If Only the Count Had Gone To New York!


Right? I mean could you see it? There he is sailing past the Statue of Liberty, wearing tinted glasses and looking very dishy as in Coppola’s film. He’s eyed up by more than a few ladies. Well see, there’s this thing about him. Don’t ask me why but there just is!

Now, in my version (purely to write an engaging and entirely speculative blog post) a New York Real Estate Firm has sent Jonathan Harker’s American cousin, Jack over to see the Count. He isn’t left there because he’s a fast talking guy and he manages to get away from the Count’s wives. He eventually goes back to his office but by the time he gets there, his boss doesn’t want to know about any problems he’s had almost being drained. See, Peter Hawkins’ New York Office has sold the Count a few apartment buildings in Manhattan.

Dracula’s favorite is in Greenwhich Village. Being the smoothie he is, he mainly rents to women. They consider him very naughty and sexy. Actually he starts a blood worship cult and within no time at all there are clubs and parties and New York is so excited, he regularly makes the society page. Word has it that the mayor is a favored client.

Ah! Spin, don’t you love it? I do. Actually it works for most stories and it’s fun.

As for Van Helsing, didn’t forget about him! He follows along anxious to warn everyone, but no one is bothering with him. They like Dracula. He’s hospitable and he’s wickedly interesting.

Van Helsing finds to his horror that quite a number of people become bored with his dire warnings. So Van Helsing who is brave, intelligent and most sincere and still determined to save people, decides to travel around 1900’s America on speaking tours. He organizes rallies (mainly in the South) and before you know it, both political parties are being coveted.

“Stand up and fight against the blood suckers! Your wives and daughters are not safe!”

There are marches and rallies and the vampires go underground possibly. But then after awhile, a lot of the anti-blood suckers go join up with the anti-drinkers so that eventually the one great rallying cry is for the prohibition of liquor. The question is does the Count remain in America?


Vampires: don’t you love the scope, the possibilities? They’re infinite! I would say Dracula does stay in America. He eventually becomes a film star. No, Max Shrek doesn’t become famous because the real thing is there! 

Dracula might eventually be suspected of Communist affliation. That wouldn’t surprise me at all, post World War 2. I think he’d have been of use during the war–but toward the end like so many others he might have come under suspicion.

He plays it cool then, hiding out in his Hollywood mansion (remember Norma Desmond, Sunset Blvd)? But he doesn’t mind because he is an avid film buff. And being wealthy he watches all the Hammer Dracula films in his own home theater.  He particularly loves Christopher Lee’s portrayl of him. Never misses any of them. He might be there still, but I have to carry on with my post, so here I go:

Actually the film that got that right and made for a delicious send-up of Dracula, was Love At First Bite with George Hamilton. Remember that gem? The Count is seen leaving the East because of Communism. Yup, he’s bound for New York and a hilarious adventure there.

Spins are fun. They are different ways to view things and why not, too? Still! I bet Dracula would have liked New York. And really, how do we know he didn’t go or that he might not still be there?!



2 responses to “If Only the Count Had Gone To New York!

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